Like many therapists, therapy was not my first calling. Before I was a therapist, I worked in restaurants. From The Hungry Farmer family restaurant in Boulder, Colorado to fine dining in New York City and several stops along the way. What did a career in the restaurant business teach me about therapy? Many of the qualities of a good therapist are the same qualities we appreciate about a good server. Think of a time when you had exceptional service at a restaurant. What made the server great? My list of top qualities includes professionalism and boundaries, active listening and good observation skills, non-judgmental and trustworthy attitude, flexibility and adaptability, culturally sensitive and self-aware, reliable and optimistic, easy to talk to and authentic. These qualities describe servers who are on-time but not intrusive, personable but not too personable and enthusiastic but not fake. Good service at a restaurant has a rhythm guided by the needs of the customer. A family with young children needs to get in and out of the restaurant quickly. A couple dining out on a date may want time to linger over drinks before ordering dinner. A good server adapts to the needs of the customer delivering exceptional service in ways that make the customer feel cared for and understood. Productive therapy has a structure and a rhythm as well. The same qualities that make an exceptional server are minimum expectations for an effective therapist. Therapists have empathy superpowers and specialized training in psychology, assessment, human development, and relationship dynamics. In addition to feeling cared for and understood, therapy instills hope. The therapeutic relationship promotes hope that change is possible. Lives get better. Patterns change. Trust is rebuilt. Symptoms decrease. Skills are acquired and applied. Communication improves. Grief and loss find a voice. Therapy is designed to help. Talk therapy can be a rewarding and empowering experience for anyone who wants to improve their mental health and quality of life. If you are interested in talk therapy, you can start by looking for a qualified and licensed therapist who can help you.
